Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they’re also what tear you apart.
—Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore) (thresca)
jimmy eat world - pain (pie0)
this album will always remind me of summer and late night parties in atherton.
recently, i have found myself becoming emotive and talkative late at night, moreso than usual. the two on the their own are fine, but when combined in increasing amounts, i feel they become a burden on anyone i may be talking to at that moment.
the only solution seems to be to go to sleep earlier, which is probably not a bad thing anyway.
favorite things in winter:
3. listening to the rain before i fall asleep (overflowing)
my high school boyfriend, because we ended things amicably, remained my best friend afterwards but we have since drifted apart, which i guess is natural with time and high school friends. we see each other twice a year at the mini reunions he organizes for our group of friends. i think he feels that he’s outgrown his high school friends since he neglected to tell me and another really good high school friend of ours that he had proposed to his long term girlfriend.
i just found out that he has a facebook account, after years of adamantly saying he would never make one. what i find upsetting is not the fact that he didn’t tell us he made one but that he lied to us about not having one. however i guess i shouldn’t be surprised; i’m sure he’s lied to us about the little things before.
my mom thinks it’s because i am a good friend but a bad girlfriend. thanks mom.
favorite things about winter:
3. delicious christmas treats (via)
joseph arthur - in the sun
its exactly three am. bf is on the phone sleeping and i am sitting in my bed typing on my tumblr. i really don’t know how exactly to express how i’m feeling.
i’d like to think that my mom’s lecture about the irresponsibility of my life so far either hit me because it was a cold dose of reality or anger at all the wrong presumptions. but probably, it was just a reminder of how spiritless and unsatisfactory my life has become post-grad. i’m living at home with no job and no future prospects. nor any semblance of an idea of what i want to do with my life. please let me wallow in self-absorbed pity.
its times like these when i wish i was artistic. i’d paint something dark and filled with turmoil, revealing the inner most depths of my pain hahahah. i wish i had people whom i could talk to, who would know when to suggest job-hunting or gre tips, and when to just talk about something meaningless because i’m so fucking sick and tired of answering the same questions about my failure with the same answers. but then again, that’s probably where the problem is. and lately i’ve been feeling like i’m drifting aimlessly more often than before. no sense of purpose, no passion.
i miss davis. or the mindset i had while i lived there. carefree existence for the most part. yes i had class, papers, and finals, but apart from that i didn’t have to worry about much. relaxing in my own space. visiting my favorite places on and off campus. a place where i could start over every quarter in new classes, and meet new people. there were always places i wanted to visit, concerts i wanted to see. coulda woulda shoulda.
if only i knew. if only i could get back those feelings that i miss so much.
the bravery - believe
i love coming home after a fun night out, not feeling like i wasted a night. i know that i’ve only been on a lucky streak lately. usually i don’t have two nights in a row like these past nights. i know i’m the person who is reluctant to go out and do something, and would rather just watch tv or play video games at home.
but at the same time, we’ve never been able to talk the way i’ve been talking these past few nights. we’ve never had conversations like these.
because it’s really just conversational fluff and emotional bullshit.
and i’ve missed having that connection and those conversations.
death cab for cutie - the ice is getting thinner
warm summer nights like these make me miss having a boyfriend close by. fuck long distance.