oh the glory of it all.

my frustrations and ramblings on life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.

181 days since my last non-nytimes photo spam entry. last time, my friend died. today is tuesday - no significance. Just like the fact that there has been no significant events recently that have happened to me, but I am, just the same, so worn down. So frustrated. For lack of a better phrase, and as much as I would like to avoid sounding cliche and teen angsty, I am over it.

I am tired of being sick. I am tired of pissing off/disgusting/annoying my coworkers with my coughs. I am tired of my own stupid, minor mistakes at work. I am tired of the overall atmosphere in my office - it seems so negative at times and is exhausting to work in.

I am tired of always using qualifiers in my statements.

I am frustrated with you. I am frustrated with him. I am frustrated with them. I am frustrated with his and their apparent inaction, although the two parties are unrelated. I am frustrated with my own inaction on dealing with how i feel.

I am frustrated with myself. I feel beaten down.

This song reminds of the gym. It reminds me of you. To me, this is our song, because as cute as beyonce was in the beginning, it is unacceptable to be a song. And lately, this song has been making me cry.

ANDERSON - sarah, for so long we’ve been disconnected.

some family history.

today i went with my mom to get her car washed because the light for her tires was on and she didn’t know how to check the tire pressure. afterwards, we went to whole foods to get some delicious sandwiches and honest tea. she ended up telling me about her dad, her mom (& her family), and her sisters. the stories were a little scattered, as per my mom’s storytelling style.

my 外公 (grandpa) grew up in 溫州, which is near shanghai and taiwan. he was the youngest of his family (his oldest brother’s kids were the same age as him) so he was completely spoiled by his parents. his dad was a successful business man, which i’m guessing is where my grandpa got his business skills. because he didn’t graduate high school, he ended up trading sugar, which was at the time a state-controlled export, taking it from taiwan to china to sell. when the communists took over china, he was in taiwan and got stuck there when china closed off their ports. he took up an office job to hold himself over for the time being.

my 外婆 (grandma) was the third child of six from fukuoka, japan. the daughter of a japanese policeman who was part of the occupying forces in taiwan during the sino-japanese wars she had two older sisters, one younger sister, and two younger brothers. apparently she wasn’t a big fan of school either, preferring sports instead. when she was eighteen or nineteen, she was working in the same building as my grandpa. apparently they met when his coworkers were screwing with him and started sending him over to her vicinity for tasks. my 外太公 (her father), being japanese in that time period, wasn’t exactly excited when they started dating. in fact he hated it. so they ran away, and a few months later, when they returned, her family had returned to japan without her.

my great-grandfather had pretty much disowned her, my 外太婆 (her mom) sent her a bag of japanese soil. my mom says it’s a japanese custom: when you move or go anywhere for an extended period of time, you would take a bag of soil to wherever you’re going, in the hope of one day returning home. she also sent my grandma a swatch of my grandma’s grandma’s clothes. apparently whenever my grandparents got into a fight (my grandma has a quick temper), she would end up pulling out the swatch and cry over it.

it wasn’t until thirty years later, when my grandma was almost forty, that she saw her family again. her mom had just had a stroke and her older sister contacted her. it was the first time she would see her family again since she was nineteen. air travel was still extremely expensive and my grandparents didn’t know what to bring to japan, so only my grandma went and she brought some dried rice noodles and chinese sausages (which my grandpa used to make all the time). when she landed in japan, she didn’t know how to go home so she spent almost all her money on the taxi ride alone.

that meeting broke the ice, but it was another ten years when she saw her family again. the next time she was nearly fifty and she went with my grandpa, the first time they both went to see her family. my great-grandpa had nearly disowned her when they first eloped, but he had gotten over it by that point. just water under the bridge.

my mom wants to take her back to japan one last time. she’s been getting increasingly weaker, both because of her medical problems and because of the medicine for those problems. at this point, we’re not sure if she could even handle the flight. maybe we’ll take her to niagara falls instead; she’s always wanted to go.

my dad loves sound of music. apparently he watched it eleven times when it came out.

i think that’s adorable.

golden gate bridge

golden gate bridge

yaya is so cute :]

sister and yaya in taiwan

sister and yaya in taiwan

grandparents and yaya at memorial park

grandparents and yaya at memorial park

cuteness that is my baby cousin

1. apparently, it’s easier to make my baby cousin eat if she’s watching her tv shows (think chinese sesame street). so they pop in the dvd, and she’s instantly transfixed. haha even as they’re pulling out the dvd player, her eyes are already following it. she watches her show, and her mom feeds her. and if the dvd starts to skip, she’ll tell the girl that someone’s hiding because she’s not eating or chewing. she can have the same food in her mouth for 30 minutes without chewing, just watching.

2. my cousin singing along to the episode and her dancing along to his singing. (he also drew spongebob during lunch and sang her the theme song). when she talks it’s usally quiet, xiexie. and when asked to repeat, it becomes a yell, XIEXIE.

3. as soon as the eating segment comes on, she wants to eat herself. she takes the spoon, and eats a heeaaping spoonful of food. eats until the segment is over. so my cousins go back to the beginning of the segment and tell her that jiejie (the girl in the video) is waiting for her to finish chewing. chewchewchew.

4. as the show finishes, there’s a goodbye dance (just like barney haha) and she starts dancing along to it, waving her arms, bopping up and down. at the very end the characters on the show wave baibai, and she waves baibai.

5. haha the next video is all about christmas and xmas jingles. of course the beginning of it is about waiting for santa to come on xmas eve, so she keeps asking, santa zai nali? when he shows up, santa lai le!

6. when she’s full, she’s also done watching. kan wan le, and climbs down from her chair.

7. my mom and i take her to my room to pick out some stuffed animals to play with. who is this? who? pooh!

8. jumping up and down on the bed because pooh is too

9. we have a pretty big recliner massaging chair, which comes with a foot rest. it’s almost as tall as she is. she starts climbing on to the chair and slides down the foot rest like it’s a slide. haha she asks my cousin if he wants to slide too, but he declines (he says because his butt is too big).

10. my mom and i connect arms so that she can sit on it. we bounce her up and down and she starts giggling.

11. she didn’t want to talk to her dad, until her mom threatened to withhold candy. instantly it’s hi babi, we xiang ni, i love youu (will you forget me?) bu hui!

12. mami gan she me, she kept asking. my cousin’s sick, so finally she said that she had a runny nose. oh, and she went to sleep. she doesn’t like it when other people cry. last night at dinner, my mom pretended to cry, and she gave my mom a toy. then my grandma pretended to cry, and she was just like, oh shit, what do i do now?

13. she was posing with her uncle’s hat. there was a cute pose, and a cool pose.

14. baobao clap. that’s how everyone knows that she wants to be picked up.and when my mom wants to hold her, mami baobao haole.

15. my mom is having a field day with the baby girl! she keeps talkin about my cousins going home, and leaving yaya behind. i’m sure she’s only half joking…

16. biaoyi, chichi, bu ke qi. she’s only being nice to me because i wasn’t immediately blinded by her cuteness XD

17. ganbei, paipai, i love you; yao zhao pooh. pooh chu lai le! and she waves pooh in the air to show everyone.

cute can’t begin to describe my first cousin, once removed. she keeps saying pao pao (bubbles in chinese), and asks people to draw them. so freaking adorable.

my parents are so in love with this kid. haha even though my mom has picked up on what happens when my cousin (the mom) leaves the room, she always gets soo excited when she’s playing with little kids like my niece. even my dad adores her :D

it’s odd seeing my cousin go into uncle mode, crazy to think of us as jojo and biaoyi. it feels like yesterday when we were hanging out, he was in high school, i was in middle school. i can’t believe he’s almost 27! haha the flaws of being asian, you look exactly the same as before you can order a drink. nor is he the cool uncle, who teaches you how to trick your parents. he’s definitely cracking down like his sister (who’s also tough love). so cute to see him with his niece. little things and you can tell that he’d be a great dad.